having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
