at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
