she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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