I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
