Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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