he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
