get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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