i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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