Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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