His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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