I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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