Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
