So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
