Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
