i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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