just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
