i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
