You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My vagina is officially offended.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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