he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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