brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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