yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Still dying that you shit outside
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
