Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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