moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
