Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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