if you like me you must not know who I am
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
