on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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