I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
