I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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