I smell stomach acid.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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