Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
