The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
