dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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