somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
