I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
