pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
