dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
