So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
