I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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