Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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