Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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