Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
