He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
