i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
