u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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