my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
