she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
