watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
