I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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