I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
