The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
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this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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