hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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