I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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