So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
