I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
