he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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