But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
