Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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