I demand visitation hours with the duck.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
