I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
