Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
