Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I want her autograph on my taint
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
