Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
