At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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