Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize