i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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