addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
