guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
