I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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