the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
