My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
