I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
