So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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