what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
