He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
