i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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