So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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