Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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