I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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