If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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