i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
why is half of my head shaved?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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