The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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