You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
