What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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