youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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