wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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