He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
