Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
