I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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