this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
