I'm so fucking centered right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
