I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
